The Lord will surely comfort Zion
and will look with compassion
on all her ruins; he will make her
deserts like Eden, her wastelands
like the garden of the Lord.
Joy and gladness will be found in her,
thanksgiving and the sound of singing.
(Isaiah 51:3)
Have you ever realized that you don’t really notice something until
you want it? A new car? Everywhere. New shoes? Everywhere. Engagement
ring? All of your friends have one. Baby?
Given to everyone. Else.
My first two years of infertility were some of the most difficult,
bitter times of my life. God seemed to be raining down little embryos into
OTHER bodies, but not to mine. While it was hard for my husband as
well, he tried to help by telling me that one woman’s pregnancy did not
impact our lives. He was right (I didn’t care). I started to take it personally
whenever another person showed up “preggers” (ugh) and would throw
myself a pity party after many baby showers. I always, ALWAYS had at
least one unsuspecting person I took my anger out on internally (I was
really gunnin’ for “Christ Follower of the Year” here).
I cried. A lot. I prayed. A lot. I asked over and over for God to take
the pain away. He didn’t. Not until I learned that He was going to make
something beautiful out of it all did I start to let go (slightly) of the
bitterness.
He took our parenting road in a different direction. Having kids for
us meant travel, time, shots, and many, many doctor visits. It meant being
away from our families during Christmas in freezing cold Russia where
Christmas doesn’t happen until January 7. It meant sacrifice.
Surprisingly, a crazy thing happened through the five-year journey
to our four children. I realized that the pain and sacrifice meant something
else. It meant coming to love people groups we had never known.
It meant traveling to new places and trying new foods. It meant opening
myself up to the pain of others, something I wasn’t very good at in my
previously charmed life. God wove our story into His plan, both for our
lives and the lives of others.
The end result has been the beautiful shaping of our family. We
have four children from three different sets of genetic parents, all siblings
because of God’s grace. Watching how they interact, how close they are,
how great their love…it is simply beyond words. Had we taken a different
turn anywhere along the road, they would not have each other.
God took the barren wasteland of my spirit and replaced it with
a spirit of Thanksgiving. My bitterness is gone, though it was a process
over many years. I praise my Heavenly Father for sending me reminders
throughout the day when I start taking my family for granted.
- Rachel Key -
